coming full circle

day 31: love and marriage

2009-03-31T05:17:00.003-04:00

A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

—Genesis 2:24

TODAY’S DARE

Is there a “leaving” issue you haven’t been brave enough to conquer yet? Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right. The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.

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So sorry to have missed a couple of days, I took an unintentional break, nothing negative going on, I really just forgot to post! lol When you think about it though, I think it's kind of like marriage, you get so comfortable in your relationship that it's easy just to let things go here and there instead of keeping up the work it takes to make things good!

So with only a few more days left, I will try my best not to miss another day, you have my word.

day 30 : love brings unity

2009-03-27T05:48:00.001-04:00

Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are.

—John 17:11

TODAY’S DARE

Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

day 29 : love's motivation

2009-03-25T05:38:00.000-04:00

Render service with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to men.

—Ephesians 6:7 HCSB

TODAY’S DARE

Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say “I love you,” then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person—unconditionally, the way He loves both of you.

day 28 : love makes sacrifices

2009-03-24T05:38:00.000-04:00

He laid down His life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers.

—1 John 3:16 HCSB

TODAY’S DARE

What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse’s life right now? Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.

day 27 : love encourages

2009-03-23T05:47:00.000-04:00

Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You.

—Psalm 25:20

TODAY’S DARE

Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you’re expecting too much, and tell them you’re sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you’ll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.

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How many times have we all expected our spouses to be perfect? I know I'm definitely guilty of this on more than one occasion!

day 26 : love is responsible

2009-03-22T07:15:00.001-04:00

When you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things.

—Romans 2:1 HCSB

TODAY’S DARE

Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Ask for God’s forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.

day 25 : love forgives

2009-03-20T04:53:00.002-04:00

What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ.

—2 Corinthians 2:10

TODAY’S DARE

Whatever you haven’t forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to “forgive us our debts” each day, we must ask Him to help us “forgive our debtors” each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart, “I choose to forgive.”

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Forgiveness, so important - not only in marriage, but in life, period. Even if certain feelings and issues have to be worked out, forgiveness can be given, right here, right now. Just as God forgives us the minute we ask for it.

day 24 : love vs. lust

2009-03-19T05:25:00.000-04:00

The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.

—1 John 2:17

TODAY’S DARE

End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you’ve swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed—today—and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.

day 23 : love always protects

2009-03-18T06:08:00.002-04:00

[Love] always protects.

—1 Corinthians 13:7 NIV

TODAY’S DARE

Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that’s stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.

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This one is so important! It could be anything from video games to pessimism, in my book... Now that Spring is finally showing herself, why not get off the computer and go do something fun with your spouse. Spend time together gardening, taking a walk, etc... doesn't matter what you do, just do it together.

day 22 : love is faithful

2009-03-17T05:35:00.003-04:00

I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord.

—Hosea 2:20

TODAY’S DARE

Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, “I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don’t love me in return.”

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Wow, we are already past the half way mark with this project, can you believe it?! This has been such a good thing for me, for my marriage... It has given me the opportunity to take the focus off of what my husband is or isn't doing and put the focus on myself. To make different and better choices, and act in ways other than I'm used to, which is a very good thing. I still have a long way to go, but already being on the road to a better relationship is wonderful.

day 21 : love is satisfied in God

2009-03-16T05:27:00.001-04:00

The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire.

—Isaiah 58:11

TODAY’S DARE

Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thirty-one—a full month’s supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.

*this is definitely something I need to get back to, I've stepped so far off my path with God, it seems. Why do I always do that when things are going so good? Does that happen to you?

day 20 : love is Jesus Christ

2009-03-15T11:22:00.002-04:00

While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.

—Romans 5:6

TODAY’S DARE

Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace.”

*This is such an important one for me, I seem to have the hardest time trusting...
Yesterday was a really bad day for me, emotionally, it could have been better had I just trusted...

day 19 : love is impossible

2009-03-13T05:16:00.000-04:00

Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.

—1 John 4:7

TODAY’S DARE

Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

day 18 : love seeks to understand

2009-03-12T05:27:00.000-04:00

How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding.

—Proverbs 3:13

TODAY’S DARE

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

day 17 : love promotes intimacy

2009-03-11T05:27:00.002-04:00

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

—Proverbs 17:9 NIV

TODAY’S DARE

Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.

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Recap: My brother and I were talking yesterday, agreeing that there have been several times when we just wanted to quit this whole Love Dare project. I think that when you start focusing on changing something, obstacles will almost always appear in front of you and make you want to give up. An argument, or resistance by your spouse. But it's so important to hang in there and keep the faith!
Just like in the movie, when Kirk Cameron's character got so frustrated when things didn't appear to be working the way, or as quickly, as he thought they should, he called his father and told him he was giving up. But his father would tell him to keep going with it, and that he wouldn't regret it in the end. Boy, isn't it funny how right our father's can be sometimes?
Same goes for God, always there, encouraging us to go on and not give up when things get a little tough!

day 16 : love intercedes

2009-03-10T05:42:00.002-04:00

Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.
—3 John 2

TODAY’S DARE
Begin praying today for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.
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Recap: Sorry about the missed day!
I did do something a little out of the ordinary for Chad, which was to wash some of his clothes and completely declutter the laundry room, which was becoming a thorn in both of our sides. He really noticed that! lol

day 15 : love is honorable

2009-03-08T08:18:00.000-04:00

Live with your wives in an understanding way . . . and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.

—1 Peter 3:7

TODAY’S DARE

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

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Recap: Yesterday I made a nice big pot of chili for us and put everything aside to hang out in the living room together, watch a movie, whatever. Hubby was busy with his own thing going on, which is fine, because he doesn't know that I'm doing this anyway lol

day 14 : love takes delight

2009-03-07T06:06:00.002-05:00

Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life.
—Ecclesiastes 9:9 HCSB

TODAY’S DARE
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.
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Recap of yesterday: To say that hubby and I don't know how to fight would be the understatement of the century. Neither one of us ever witnessed our parents fighting, or even disagreeing much for that matter. Nor did we witness the way in which they worked things out. All of those things were taken on drives away from home or behind closed doors. So while I am in no way blaming our parents, we just didn't grow up learning how to work through disagreements.
We are both hard headed and think that we are right, no matter what, and our arguments can get pretty loud. I've been known to slam a door or two, for sure. But the worst part, in my opinion, are the hurtful things that are said that can never, ever, be taken back or forgotten. So with that being said, here are my "personal rules to fight by":

I resolve not to say anything mean or unfair, no name calling or throwing blame at Chad.
From now on I promise to take time to think before acting or speaking, long enough to think things over in a rational manner, instead of letting my emotions get the best of me.

day 13 : love fights fair

2009-03-06T05:15:00.002-05:00

If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.

—Mark 3:25

TODAY’S DARE

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.

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Recap of yesterday: I had to really think about an area of disagreement that Chad and I enter into often enough that it would make a difference if I just gave in and gave him his way. I'm not the best at that! lol I won't go into specific details about what I decided because it wouldn't be fair to air dirty laundry here, but lets just say he'll be quite pleased that I won't be nagging him about a certain issue anymore. It will be hard for me to let this go, it's been a thorn in my side for 13 years, but he's a grown man and obviously, after all this time, I can't make him feel the same way I do about certain things. God made us different, we will always be different, it's better to accept that than fight it...

day 12 : love lets the other win

2009-03-05T05:20:00.003-05:00

Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
—Philippians 2:4
TODAY’S DARE
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.
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Just a note that I will continue with the recaps tomorrow. Work is super busy and about all I have the energy to do the past couple days is come home and fall into the couch in a semi-comatose state by the end of the day! lol

day 11 : love cherishes

2009-03-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.

—Ephesians 5:28

TODAY’S DARE

What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.

day 10 : love is unconditional

2009-03-03T05:30:00.001-05:00

God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

—Romans 5:8

TODAY’S DARE

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse—something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

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Recap of yesterday: We didn't see each other at all because I left before he got up and didn't get home from my daughter's house until 11:00 last night and went straight to bed! We did speak on the phone a few times through out the day, not the best way to give someone a nice greeting at the beginning of the day but I guess it will have to do for this one lol

day 9 : love makes a good impression

2009-03-02T05:12:00.002-05:00

Greet one another with a kiss of love.

—1 Peter 5:14
TODAY’S DARE

Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

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Recap of yesterday: Negative list GONE! Nothing will ever be perfect and things will still bother us, but I'd much rather focus on the positive...

day 8 : love is not jealous

2009-03-01T07:44:00.002-05:00

Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire.

—Song of Solomon 8:6 NIV

TODAY’S DARE

Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

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Recap of yesterday: Positive list is much longer than the negative list! While there are things that irritate me ~~on a regular basis~~ occasionaly, looking at the list helps me realize that many of those things are issues that I have and not necessarily negative things about my husband.

day 7 : love believes the best

2009-02-28T07:13:00.002-05:00

[Love] believes all things, hopes all things.

—1 Corinthians 13:7

TODAY’S DARE

For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

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Recap of yesterday: I totally didn't understand yesterday's dare! Georgie presented it to me in a way that I understood a little better, but it still had me puzzled... Anyone else have a take on that one??

day 6 : love is not irritable

2009-02-27T07:45:00.003-05:00

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.

—Proverbs 16:32

TODAY’S DARE

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

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Recap of yesterday: I asked my other half what 3 things were that caused him to be irritated, and I'm going to be honest in saying that I thought he could come up with 3 in as many seconds, but he actually had to think about the second 2 for a while! Obviously I am the irritable one in this relationship, because it would take me about 5 seconds to come up with a couple more than 3 things that irritate me. Strange how I'm finding that it's myself I need to work on more than anything else?? lol

So here were the 3 things that he came up with.

1. My temper. He came up with this one real quick, no time for thought on it...

2. My anxiety about money, which is kind of covered under the umbrella of my temper, but he says it's still a separate one all on it's own.

3. Not in "the mood" as often as he'd like... (there, the secret is out, and I to my brother, if you're reading this, just skip this one and don't think about it, cus that's just weird lol)

Not going to try and justify any of them. For 1, I'm not supposed to do that with this challenge, and for 2, he's 100% right, darn him.... lol

day 5 : love is not rude

2009-02-26T06:11:00.002-05:00

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him.

—Proverbs 27:14

TODAY’S DARE

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.

Recap of yesterday: Calling my hubby in the middle of the day just to say hello is a pretty easy one since we do that already, just about every day. :o)

Hope you are all doing well, would love to hear your feedback! There have been a couple rough patches here and there for me. I have such a tendency to spout off whatever's on my mind without thinking, which usually ends up being something I feel very guilty for later, and wishing that I'd have thought about it first. Definitely one of the biggest things I need to work on - not letting my emotions take hold... What are you discovering about yourself that you could possibly change to make things better in your relationship?

day 4 : love is thoughtful

2009-02-25T05:04:00.002-05:00

How precious also are Your thoughts to me. . . .How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.

—Psalm 139:17–18

TODAY’S DARE

Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

Recap of yesterday:

I will be very honest in saying that I didn't do well with this yesterday, I was upset and the last thing I wanted to do was "play nice". I'm struggling with issues with our finances, and when I feel that my husband isn't listening to me it bothers me more than the actual issues that I'm trying to discuss... I need to learn to be kind, in spite of what's going on between us.

Lesson learned: I can still treat someone with kindness and respect, even if I'm not happy with them at the moment...

day 3 : love is not selfish

2009-02-24T05:39:00.001-05:00

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.

—Romans 12:10

TODAY’S DARE

Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today.”

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Recap from yesterday: other than not saying anything negative, we were to do at least one thing that was unexpected, so I stopped and picked up something that he loves for dinner and a movie that I thought he might like to watch, one that I would never have picked OR watched lol And at the end of the night, I handed him the remote to watch whatever he wanted (I usually put it on Jon and Kate Plus 8 on a Monday night, which thrills him I'm sure lol) After all of that he asked me if I was sick or something, being so nice and all, I'm sure it seemed that way!

Today was a good day, and I am loving these challenges already... Lesson learned today: I take my husband for granted in all the little things, and he is incredibly kind hearted and forgiving...

day 2 : love is kind

2009-02-23T05:30:00.002-05:00

I almost slipped a couple times yesterday, but caught myself and made a conscious effort to say something positive instead. Usually I just say whatever's on my mind... I guess it's all about being conscious of our actions and making better choices.....

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Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

—Ephesians 4:32

TODAY’S DARE

In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

day 1 : love is patient

2009-02-21T14:56:00.000-05:00

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

—Ephesians 4:2 NIV

TODAY’S DARE

The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.